Octopussy Bar
Hua Hin Thailand 
Octopussy
Hello Welcome!

 

 

 

 

 

This page is just for laughs and giggles if you see a funny sign or menu or take a funny picture sent it in and we will put it up on the site. Please add your name and where the picture was taken.

 

 

If we get enough we will put them in the gallery so they can be seen full size.

 

 

 

Please don't steal the signs in the Men's toilet just email us and we will sent which ever one you want for free.

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Check out the chart on the left to see if your drinking is up to speed and that your technique is ok.

 

 

Funnies

 

FUNNIES 2

FUNNIES 3

YOU CAN'T BE FIRST BUT YOU CAN BE NEXT

WARNING FROM THE CHIEF MEDICAL

 OFFICER OF THAILAND

 

 

Due to increasing products liability litigation, alcohol manufactures have accepted the Medical Association’s suggestion that the following warnings be placed on all alcohol containers from the 1st of next month.

WARNING!

The Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

WARNING!

Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING!

Consumption of alcohol may cause you to believe that fat ugly people are slim and attractive.

WARNING!

Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.

WARNING!

Consumption of alcohol may make you think that you can converse logically with members of the opposite sex. (export only)

 

CAUTION!

If you are driving home tonight take note of the advice issued to all tourists in Thailand by

THE MINISTRY OF TRANSPORTATION

  1. Indicators are for telling people where you have been.
  2. Tuk Tuk drivers and born with a head that works through 360 degrees.
  3. Everybody in Thailand has secrets, so nobody will inform you of their next intended manoeuvre.
  4. Mirrors on motor vehicles are an extension of the one in your bathroom.
  5. A crash helmet is compulsory for riders of motorcycles, but not for passengers as static’s have proven that they are more likely to be thrown clear of the point of impact.
  6. Thailand’s version of the S.U.V is the Honda Wave it is possible to carry six people plus one pet and still reach a speed of 100 Kph with fuel consumption as low as 30 Km per Litre.
  7. It is possible to drive in Thailand and be seen by nobody, until the Police arrive.
  8. You should carry your passport, license and medical insurance with you at all times as this can give you something soft to land on in the event that the inevitable happens.
  9. Road traffic signs are only obeyed by people with a conscience, so only one percent of the population stops at red lights.
  10. When entering a roundabout remember to wait until someone is directly in front of you before lunging forward applying the gas, brake, gas, brake, gas.
  11. If walking remember that the pavement is for the sole use of T-shirt vendors.

 

BEER TROUBLE SHOOTING CHART

 

 

SYMPTOM

FAULT

ACTION

Feet cold and wet.

Glass being held at incorrect angle.

Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Feet warm and wet.

Improper bladder control.

Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

Glass empty.

Get someone to buy you another beer

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

You have fallen over backwards.

Have yourself lashed to bar.

Mouth contains cigarette butts.

You have fallen forward.

See above.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.

Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Floor blurred.

You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

Get someone to buy you another beer.

Floor moving.

You are being carried out.

Find out if you are being taken to an other bar

Room seems unusually dark.

Bar has closed.

Confirm home address with bartender.

Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.

Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

Cover mouth.

Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

You are dancing on the table.

Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Beer is crystal-clear.

It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

Punch him.

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

You have been in a fight.

Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.

You've wandered into the wrong party.

See if they have free beer.

Your singing sounds distorted.

The beer is too weak.

Have more beer until your voice improves.

Don't remember the words to the song.

Beer is just right.

Play air guitar.

 

It's easy to lose your briefcase when you are carrying this much takeaway.

Mr T pops in to give support to his daughter on her first day at work. This is an old photo, Mr T now buys his Big Mac's in Knightsbridge London.

 
Sometimes finding somewhere to park can be a bit of a nightmare, but there's no need to go to mad. 
 Looks like the Government have finally found a use for that aircraft carrier, brings a whole new meaning to pitch and putt.
Due to the current water shortages some people have to share.

Is This A Lady boy

 

I'm not sure, he could be but the young lady on the left looks genuine to me I don't think you can get those puppies off the shelf, can you!

 

Due to the flooding some people have too much

You have to admire how some people will just put up with anything just to get the job done. This guy was pulled over a few k's down the road and fined for having a misaligned head lamp. His wife who was asleep in the back of the cab said "I felt a slight bump about an hour ago but we never slowed down"
Well I suppose if you are hungry enough, I think I'll give it a miss.
Like the American who thought he was buying Tower Bridge and got London Bridge. Mr T ended up with the other one.

A real noodle shop at the end of the soi. If you stand here you can watch the motorbikes drive right through the shop.
  FUNNIES 2  FUNNIES 3

 

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